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WTF Marketing Requests

I get frequent requests for marketing services and sometimes, some of these requests just make me go, WTF?
Usernames and websites have been removed for their protection.


The Delusional One

Hi I am [removed] and would like to know the strategy about this product [removed] well I have option of 195 countries and purchase link is [removed]. And would like to sell 2000 peices around the globe in 1 month


The Desperate One

Me: 👋🏼Hi there, thanks for reaching out.
[them]: OHHH [expletive]
[them]: U REPORTED??/
Me: Reported what?
[them]: MY MESSAGE
Me: Negative, there’s no report feature on the app
Me: Did u get flagged?
[them]: OKK
[them]: U WANT TO WORK??
Me: Oh lawd…
Me: When msgs start like that…
[them]: YESS
Me: How can i help?
[them]: NO NOOOO, I GIVE U REVIEWS
[them]: POSITIVE
[them]: REVIEWS
Me: Huh
[them]: AND FOR THAT U HAVE TO GIVE ONLY$5 TO ME?
Me: Now i can see why u got reported
[them]: BRO I NEED some $$ i have no $$ in my pocket
Me: No thank you. Im ok with earning my reviews
[them]: no $$ to eat no $$ to give my rent!1
[them]: plsss hlp me brother!1
[them]: im on in a tough
[them]: situation??
[them]: plzzzzz
[them]: 😞😞😔
[them]: Hey bro do u have any work for me??
[them]: Any favor for u?


The Slick Trojan Doctor

Hello, your description fits perfectly to our requirements. Attached Doc file is what we require of you.

Our document is protected for security reasons, so you might need to enable content to view it clearly.

Our budget for this project is just $200, it’s subject to increment, depending on how you impress us.

Get back to me NOW. detailing your action plan towards the project as it’s extremely time sensitive.
the document is protected so make sure you enabled it.

Thank you.

Dr.harry


The Job Seeker

them: Aslam o Alaikum
Me: As-salamu alaykum
them: Walikum salam
them: I wanna job
Me: Noted
Me: Fiverr is a great place to find work
them: Plzzzzz give Me: work
them: Am nothing about it someone tell Me about this
them: Plzzzzz give Me work
them: Plzzzzz give Me work


The Questionably Agressive Buyer

I need 7-8 steps funnel for my affiliate marketing (nutra offers) for google and facebook ads. Plz if you have an example (SAMPLE) for that it will be appreciated. I will pay you upto $7000 but i need complete professional funnel that helps me to do business.
I will give you complete details including domain….
need your previous work experience according to my work so plz give me a sample …..
you can give me your offer price for this work…
Thankyou…


The Student Hustlah

Them: whats up man! i got basic marketing exam in about 3 hrs, it will be about 50-60 multiple choice questions. let me know if your willing to work with me. we have to exchange whatsapp numbers so that i can take a picture of the questions and send it to you
Me: Hi there
Me: No thanks
Them: why?
Me: This isn’t something that I offer services for.
Them: you here to make money or what ?


The Aspiring Successful Digital Nomad

Them: whats dude , how are u ? this is [name] from San Francisco Cali. just saw your video on Fiverr , i really will like to know more about the e-mails sale, i been working on pages my self , and try this and that and not getting any where , so i need some help . 1 question what is the best way to make money online way any where from any where ?
Me: 👋🏼Hi there, thanks for reaching out. Have you built out a conversion strategy yet?
Them: dude , i need some one that can teach me how to finish all this , i been trying to open this door for some time now , lol
Them: ?
Them: u from miami hun
Me: I am!
Me: I can definitely help [to long of a message to add here]
Me: How’s that sound?
Them: not sure
Them: is a lot there , that i dont need.
Them: i tell you what i need , a way to make money online , from anywhere on my leptop .
Them: how that sound ?
Me: Ah, so you don’t have a product
Them: i do
Them: lots of it
Them: my self as the biggers ones ,
Them: i have my chanell on youtube
Them: and a brand
Them: but i need help
Them: ??????


The Vital Discloser

I have something very vital to disclose to you and Please your urgent attention to this matter would be appreciated,l need your co-operation,kindly write me on my private mail for more details and trust building. [a hotmail email address]
best regards,
[fake name]


The Good Job Giver

Them: Will be glad if you can help me out with ad posting job on craigslist
Them: I have a good job for you


The Guy Who Needs Multi Number Phone

Them: hello how are you brother ?? can you help me please
Me: 👋🏼Hi there, thanks for reaching out.
Me: What do you need help with?
Them: in usa you can buy multi number phone to confirm email google ??
Me: no
Them: onenumber for one persone
Them: i need to create multi email with diferent number phone
Them: if you can


 

…and that’s all for now folks!

Have you had any crazy requests? Let me know by sharing it in the comments.